Dan Dan the extra lard man

This is Dan Collins, the man who does the data entry for the Forward Intelligence Team. As he munches his way through industrial quantities of doner kebabs, slobbers his way through pizzas, and belches his way through burgers he types in information about people's political persuasions and the demonstrations they've gone on. For a packet of lard he'll tell you what they've got on you.

Stephen Discombe - the human balloon

In just over a year, PC Stephen Discombe - CO2558 - has gone from this:

To this:

"Does my bum look big in this sarge?"

He may claim he's lost weight - but the record speaks for itself.

Waisted!

I could not believe my eyes when I saw this obscenely fat inspector on the Mall recently. There are towns in Europe, let alone less affluent parts of the world, which could survive on what he must eat. When I saw him he rode up and down the Mall, probably because his gargantuan bulk would crush his legs if he walked. He'd probably roll away from a crash with all that blubber to protect him. I wouldn't be surprised if that medic was permanently stationed with him, to phone for a crane in the event of disaster.

Eating for two

This is EK 366, all the way from Camden, pictured in Parliament Square in June. Anyone who's passed through Kentish Town of an evening will know the cops favour the kebab shop by the Bull and Gate. And it certainly looks like this tubby plod likes a kebab or four! Doubtless he's pondering whether to have a couple of large doners later on, with extra lard.

Obese officers in Brighton

These rotund 'FIT' cops were at the demonstration against bomb factory EDO in Brighton on 15 October.

Sarge! Where's me pies? CO2558

No bulimia here! CS49 and CO2558

Snouts in the trough

Supersize me! CS49

Fat and fatter: 1818 and CO996